I seem to have a thing for unavailable guys. & I have probably talked about it before, but I think it’s worth revisiting. My addiction to obsessing over dudes that will never, ever, ever be available to me is a problem; it’s a huge detriment to my dating life, & it’s most of the reason why I am still alone.
It isn’t enough to just acknowledge the problem — that’s never enough. What I need to do is get to the root of the issue: why am I so drawn to unavailable men?
I was exploring the concepts of dating & attraction with one of my friends last week, & I had this epiphany: I despise being vulnerable. I feel like allowing myself to be vulnerable takes away some of my power (which it kind of does) & I hate feeling like another human has total control over my destiny (which he really doesn’t).
I’m a bit of an extremist, at best.
So, this realization cleared up a lot for me. I mean, I have always wondered why, without fail, I seem to become obsessed with guys who are blatantly unavailable. I have always wondered why I can talk for days with platonic male friends, or guys I am not interested in, or guys who I’m mostly obsessed with but have zero chance of getting with because they’re happily almost-married or whatever, but when it comes to a single, attractive, handsome, smart guy… I become incoherent.
It’s a defense mechanism.
Realizing this was the romantic equivalent of a religious experience. Everything just seemed… clearer.
It was awesome.
Armed with this newfound information, I’m hoping to disable my personal defense system. Now that I am aware of why I am doing what I do, I am deadset on correcting it. I don’t want to stand in my own way anymore.
So, I guess here is where I commit to actually talking to the cute guy I’m unfortunately obsessed with.
Scary, but necessary.
Wish me luck!