Go to university, they said. It will be fun, they said. It’ll be the best four years of your life, they said.
Yeah. More like the most broke years of your life. Or, the most stressful. Or the most tiring. Or the most of all of the above.
It took me a really long time to decide to go back to school: I pondered for a while over what direction I wanted my life to take (to pursue my dream or not pursue my dream, that was the question). Even once I decided that I was going to pull the trigger & get educated enough that someone, somewhere, would pay me to write something, I flip-flopped back and forth on it for at least a year before I got up enough courage to actually apply. I don’t regret it, none of it, not even for a second: I know that I’ve gotten a sense of fulfilment from university that I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard, & I don’t occasionally have doubts, & that I don’t worry about my future — romantically & otherwise.
& it’s not just getting a job, or finding a man, or scooping myself out of post-secondary debt post-post-secondary. It’s finding the right job, the right man, & well, scooping myself out of debt on top of it all.
The debt. Oh, the debt. It is killing me. Being flat broke ain’t easy, but I’ve learned to deal with it. What really gets to me is the stigma.
I mean, I’ll save money when I’m dead. It’s not about the money. It’s never been about the money — education is priceless, & I channel most of my funds into footwear anyway, so I don’t know that my financial situation will ever be stable regardless of the impending repayments of my student loans.
Honestly, I’m stressed about the effect that my crippling amount of debt is going to have on my dating life. One day (hopefully) I am going to meet a guy who I like, & he’s going to like me, & we’re going to go on fun dates & fall in love, & then I am going to have to somehow drop the bomb that I can’t qualify for a mortgage, or buy a car, or do anything involving a credit check because of stupid student loan debt.
Finances are a big deal in relationships — trust me. I heard enough fights about it growing up to realize that financial compatibility is just as important as anything else when you are in love.
So, I’m worried. I’m really worried that the amount of debt that I’m accustomed to is going to be a major factor in me remaining alone forever. I know that a university education comes with a pretty hefty price tag, but I think it’s naive to assume that’s common knowledge.
These adult problems I’ve been running into are really stressing me out, let me tell ya.
I’m at a time in my life where I need to be thinking about life after school, and part of that life is going to involve a tall, dark handsome dude. I guess all I can do is hope he at least understands the value of education, doesn’t mind that the majority of my assets are tied up in designer footwear, & is okay with permanently renting a place (probably in my parents’s basement).