I did a really shitty thing. I’m not even going to try to disguise it, or sugarcoat it, or frame it in a way that doesn’t make me look like an utter asshole. Because, at the end of the day, what I say doesn’t matter–what really matters is how I feel. & right now I feel like a selfish asshole.
So, what’d I do? What horrible, awful, terrible deed did I commit? I broke something. Well, I actually probably broke a few things–trust, commitment, hearts. You know, all those things that are easily repaired.
Let me lay it all out for you here. I said–nay!–I committed to going to my friend’s wedding. I have been looking forward to her nuptials since before she even got engaged, & when her boyfriend (now fiancé) finally popped the question, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t have been happier for her if I tried. & I was happy for me too–they bounced around the idea of a destination wedding, & I was all for it (I mean, a wedding-tropical vacation combination, what more could a single gal want?). I am all about weddings (I’ve been to enough now to officially claim that, yes, they are an enjoyable experience) & I am all about beaches & I was all about this particularly wedding on this particular beach until (here is where I start to turn into an asshole, for the folks following along at home) a once-in-a-lifetime experience came up. Iceland.
Everybody loves Iceland. Right? Ever since Icelandair came about with their dirt cheap flights & stopover options, there’s not a single person who hasn’t at least thought about visiting the tiny, Nordic (?) nation.
Show me someone who hasn’t, & I’ll show you a liar.
Anyway–I caught wind of this amazing retreat in Iceland & all I could think about was how much I wanted to go. I checked out flights. Crunched numbers. Bought oversized sweaters–all the normal, pre-trip-to-Iceland things. Everything was falling into place, when all of a sudden, to my horror, I realized that Iceland & my friend’s wedding were going to be happening at the same time.
Because I am the worst friend ever, I’m now going to Iceland in lieu of my friend’s wedding & as shitty as it makes me feel… there’s no way I could’ve not picked the adventure of a lifetime.
I’m selfish. I know it. There’s just no way around it. But is it unfair to think that occasionally being selfish is warranted… & should even be encouraged? That maybe it’s a little bit okay to put yourself first every once in a while & take advantage of a possible career-propelling opportunity when it falls in your lap? It might just be me trying to make myself feel better… but (in true Millennial fashion) I definitely think that this brand of selfishness has a time & a place. It’s just unfortunate that it was the same time & different place as another commitment.
To my friend: I’m sorry. I hope you understand that this wasn’t easy for me–there were no coins flipped, no straws drawn, no flippant decision-making aids implemented. It was all me, pondering long & hard over what to do, & unfortunately… well, you know what happened. I wish you & your beau the best on your future wedding day. &, as possible penance, there will probably be an extravagant, expensive, & possibly authentically Icelandic wedding gift coming your way.